Superstars

There was a time when Malayalam cinema set the benchmark for rest of Indian cinema. Thanks to the species, ‘Superstars’, we have been plunging to abyss of doom.

Kerala has been a land blessed with fabulous scriptwriters, actors and directors. But in recent years there has been a clear dearth of talent. The reasons could be more than one. During the golden years, the actors had a good scope for their talents. The actors gained popularity and audience started to weed out the less talented ones. In the coming years they gained monopoly in the market and they were started to be deemed as ‘superstars’(SS).

The rot began as soon as the creative side of cinema started to come under the influence of SS. Scripts started to get out of hand from the directors as SS tried to get immortality through their films. Right from the scripts, technicians and supporting cast started to be decided by the SS. So no matter how talented you are, if you are not in the good book, your career is doomed. As far as actresses were considered they had to do a few sleepovers too.

This went as far as paid ‘fans’ to cheer the movies and boo the opposite camps.

The unscrupulously rich found the film industry to wash their black money. They wouldn’t have to invest huge money and returns were fabulous. So more mediocre movies came out, because results no longer mattered.

The period between 2000-02 is something everyone here loves to forget. The audience had enough of the garbage churned out. Theatres closed out in huge numbers. It was then the sleazy and adult movie makers came into the scene. The heroines like Shakeela, Maria and Reshma became huge stars and household names. The ‘Mallu Masala Movies’ became a synonym associated with Malayalam cinema.

Here are some superstars seen exclusively in Kerala:

Mamookka:

He is the big brother in Malayalam cinema. He turned 50 ten years ago. But still stars opposite girls 1/3^rd his age. The media claims he is the evergreen star who never turns old. The camera men do their part by avoiding many close up shots.

All his ‘hit’ movies have the same story line. He kills someone in his childhood and runs off to neighboring state. There he turns a gangster. He becomes the close friend to the Chief Ministers to Prime Ministers to Washington DC. He returns to his homeland in a BMW or Benz. On the way he borrows some odd slang too. He brings a bunch of cronies and reunites with his long lost brother/sister. After a few fiery dialogues he avenges his childhood enemy.

Plus Points: He is a fabulous dancer. He resembles someone paralyzed waist down.

He is good in cracking jokes too. We will not get a clue on when that would have happened, unless some stupid back ground music accompanies it.

Lalettan:

He is the eternal naughty boy of Kerala. He has a slight resemblance to a wine barrel.

Plus points: Awful hairdo is his USP. He loves a pointed moustache. He is the one who started showing off his white boxers. He has an eternal weakness to item sluts and booby actresses. He manages to come up with sexual innuendos disguised as jokes in almost all the movies.

Dileep:

He is a late comer into the SS section. He became a favorite through his self depreciating comedies. He had a difficult climb to the top.

Plus points: He married the best actress ever in Malayalam industry and locked her away from movies. He tried his hand in action films and thankfully has almost stopped trying that. The story, jokes and even the support cast is same in all the movies. So he ensures that movies always stay at a substandard level. His heroine is the same in all the movies. She had recently married some NRI and bid adieu but to everybody’s relief divorced the guy and came back.

Gopi:

He is the policeman/detective forever.

The villains would be CM, DGP, IG and a businessman. He comes up with trademark dialogues like ‘Shut up your bloody rattletrap’ (Go, figure out the meaning)

Plus points: He has the body structure suited for a romantic hero and tries it out once in a while. When he appears topless it would be difficult to differentiate the hero and heroine. The bed scenes would resemble a bulldozer leveling a small puny girl.

He is good in doing comedy role and facial expression accompanying is fabulous. He always wears loose shirts in order not to provoke the censor board.