Sunday, September 7, 2014

Travails of a Bride Hunter

In two weeks I would have finished a journey of 29 years on earth, having finished up almost all my youth remaining a virgin. It's no mean feat considering my beauty, handsomness and enormous temptation I have been subjected to.
Jokes apart I had hoped to officially shed my virginity by getting married, the traditional Kerala style. But I don't think that's going to happen any soon

Now you guys have been reading blogs after blogs on travails of hot feminists in choosing from dumb boys. Have you ever read travails of a hot guy who had to choose his bitter half from a herd of dumb girls. Well, you're about to, atleast you are almost about to.


' Is this your first kiss?' Imagine your wife asking you that. Just imagine the looks of suspicion when you find it dfficult to choose between  a Yes and a No.
If my better sense prevails I would say its my first and I feel wonderful

But if my sensiblity fails me I would say I had kissed a drunk girl a few years ago. She would pretend to take it cool and come up with the next question. 'Then why didn't you marry her?' 'Well it was a one night fling'. That would be the end of my brief 'happy-married-life'

That's the greatest challenge we men face. To be honest or not-to-be. If you tell the girl she is fat or dumb or pain in the ass, which is likely to be truth, could mean a lot of trouble. But instead if you say she looks smart, beautiful or sexy- you will have a successful, long , happy married life

The same rule applies for a bride hunter as well. Firstly speaking I am not a fan of marriage-the-institution. I would prefer to be a free single bird shagging off at Sunny Leones and Priya Rais. But my fate was that I was born into a traditional christian family who registered my profile in some matrimonial site without even me knowing it. I always despised and still despise this matrimonial site match making. This practice which was considered too posh and too ungodly is very popular now, since the old joint family no longer works. Even the good old brokers doesn't go around town searching for unwed handsome people. They too use the internet to hunt their prey.

So I told my parents, as they gave me no choice, to set up a profile and put in whatever they wanted in the profile. A few weeks later I get a call from a hysterical friend. I scrambled for my profile and to my dismay discovered that they had uploaded a passport picture of mine and created a profile which looked as if I was a Arsenal Football player. I was unbelievably mad, but then I realized my parents knew noting much of me and I don't have any proper looking photos.
Proper looking photos are essential for selling your profile. The old fashioned will get the help of a studio.  The chic people will  use a professional profile creator. Even selfie photos have become quite populare among girls. Among the boys, the fashion is to put up something in an exotic place. It shows you are cool guy and fun loving But let me warn you, get ready to get a shock when you finally see the girl for real.

The nature of work is the most clinching factor to get a 'good match'. If you're some top notch government servant or a doctor or a software pro working abroad the girls queue in front of your house with the placard 'steal my flower'. But if you have some boring jobs like say a banker or a software engineer in some god forsaken city you will have to hunt some equally loser girl. If the guy is settled abroad not only the girl but her mother and sister will give yo a blow job readily, irrespective of what your job is. That's the secret why guys try desperatly to get some posting in USA for a short term and get married before the whites kick your ass alll the way back to Hindoostan.


A few weeks ago, after a year of bride hunting some God-fearing NRI came with the proposal for his doctor daughter. First his call came from across the seas, then his friend,s call, then the friend came for a visit to gauge the waters. Then came the NRI's facebook friend's request
He hadn't even seen me and the friend's request came before him.

This is a very creepy and wierd part of modern matchmaking. Your facebook profile is taken as your mirror image and it has to be filled with so much verses from Bible and other politically correct posts, photos and images.
Rest of the story is something like after so many visits the creepy NRI stopped calling  at all. End of the story

To tell the truth i hate most of the girls i see. But this seems to be an inevitable evil

About Me

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Shakespeare,Da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin and Lincoln never saw a movie,heard a radio or looked at TV. They had loneliness and knew what to do with it. Thay were not afraid of being lonely because they knew that was when the creative mood in them would work.