Are we so desperate?

 

I was born into a clan that is said to produce some of the most deprived, depraved and desperate men in the planet earth. We pose no threat to physical existence to our women. Infact our women are most well educated and well placed in all the earth. But we have these charactersitics which distinguish ourselves.

We produce the highest volume of sleaze magazines in the country. We have some of the most imaginative writers of soft porn. The backdropvaries from a sex starved wife of a NRI to army man to businessman. She sadly has to please herself until she finds the doors to freedom in the servant boy, nephew , cousin or the new tenant next door. Recently we moved onto hostel lesbianism. Our men has moved into a collaboration with Ekta Kapoor for the mother-in-law daughter-in-law sex escapades.

We produce most number of soft porn videos. The busty ladies are imported from outside. Their topless self writhe in orgasmic pleasure on the bed, while the hero sniffs from top to bottom and back to top. Thankfully male nudity doesn’t go beyond the bermudas.The dot com era fuelled in our imaginations and today ‘mallu masala’ is the most sought web search. Our technological advancement is showcased by the number of spycams we hide in ladies’ toilet, bathrooms and changing rooms.

We are also the first in the country when it comes to sexual morality. We pass lewd remarks and stare shamelessly at anything with round ass and tits. We defined a frame work for ‘decent’ clothing and anyone who dares to defy it has to live with the shame of countless gossips manufactured at her expense. In the bus and trains we crane our necks to get even the slightest peak into the valleys.

Despite all this we donot allow two people from opposite sex to roam around on beach, ice cream shops and restaurants unless they carry some ID proof.

Back in school, i had this tuition classes at an obscenely early hour. I used to wake up so early and cycle to the classes. One such fine morning, I was trying to wake myself up from sleep when a fat boy came and sat near me. We hadn’t talked to each other and he had this eternal smile plastered on his face. I wasabout to say hi when he opened the conversation:

‘ Do you masturbate?’

OMG !! is this guy a vibrator sales man

‘How do you masturbate?’

Ok he must have done a ourse in sex therapy. But we are only 14. Next came the million dollar question ‘ Who do you dream of when you do it’

There was this guy, Govind, in college who fell in love with our college beauty Sreeja. He went around writing on the blackboards ‘Sreeja loves Govind.’

 

Are we that desperate?