What I would look for in a woman

Very soon I will be approaching my 30s- the age of the famous mid-life crises. All my compatriots are busy getting married off, flying to exotic places, begetting babies & posting it all in facebook. It’s best to stay away from the temptation of browsing through FB. The timelines have been serving as a constant source of jealousy.

Ever since I completed quarter of a century on the face of the earth, my parents have been pushing me to get married off. Ever since my teens I have abhorred the institution & adamantly pledged to stay a heretic for the rest of my life. Once in my college fest, where I was pushed to stage to take part in some Personality Contest , I declared that marriage distracts you from the greater goal. I laid out the examples of APJ, Vivekananda. Those were heady days of dreams & ideologies.

Just 10 years later, I realize I have no goal and no concrete ideology. Hence there’s no point in staying unmarried. All my compatriots are getting married off too. I don’t know the inspiration behind it. May be it’s the fear of turning old alone. May be humans are born to mate & pro create.

I am on a dilemma, having to push myself to commit into an act I am not sure of. Having said that, I realize most of the life turning decision of a common man is taken by the people around him. Great men make their own decisions.

Amid all the noise, I approach a great friend & mentor. I asks him, ‘Dude I am looking to get married but I don’t know what to look for’. He says ‘ Write down what you really want in a woman’

So here I am writing down the list of ‘what I’m looking for in a woman’

BE WARNED: Girls, you will find it very tough to resist the temptation of falling in love with me 

1.       Beauty/ Lust factor: When I was high on teenage hormones, I dreamt of marrying those busty Tamil actors. Pretty naughty one, I know. Later on came the feel for cherubic beauty ( the cute kinds). By the time I was out of college & worldly wise, I realized busty babes wouldn’t be good enough when they are older. So I switched to slim ones.Years rolled by & I came to realize how unfairly biased is the ‘marriage market’ is for the girls with comparatively lesser beauty.  If you don’t have the money & land to offset the defect in your beauty (looks), you may end up putting up your profile for a long time in marriage matrimonial. I had a very ordinary looking friend who migrated to USA and took up nursing. Recently I found her married in FB to some hot guy. The guy was giving cool poses in some fancy cars.

That’s where looks end and money talks

2.       Profession & Intellect: I have always been turned by women with high intellectual capability. I wouldn’t take someone from my own profession, as I would like to leave the office at office. Economics, English have been huge turn on for me.

I abhor IT industry in equal measures. I am not at all bothered about the pay packet. Being the lazy guy I am, I would prefer her earn more and I would hand over the reins to her & be an obedient husband for the rest of my life.

I want her to be intelligent with pretty strong ideas. My mom was always on the opposite side. When the talk turned to worldly matters, she put up a poor picture of herself. Still she brought up the kids- not bad

3.       Religion, Ethics: This must be one crucial & confusing part for me. I have been a fairly good religious person and all of a sudden the vanity in the institution.  It would be tough if the girl takes a contrasting view. But it would be good to fake a religious fervor, atleast by the time kids are old. Even with all the rotten tomatoes religion imparts a sense of identity.

I had these fancy ideas on becoming a revolutionary. Even today I nurse the secret fantasies. I hope marriage doesn’t deter me if the call comes along. Or may be I would quit the job and join some college or turn a farmer. I simply don’t want to be a white collared son of a bitch.

Sadly it ends here. I am a boring guy after all

The White Smoke

The abdication of Pope Benedict was a shock as well as a mystery. The rumor mills failed to take off in India. The Mallu papers even went on to the extent of glorifying ‘the sacrifice’. The western media weren’t that kind though. The hushed talks about the pope failing in his fight against financial & accounting malpractices came up. Moreover his zealous stand against the liberation theology failed to find him many fans.

Pope John Paul left behind a pious & sagely image. He was not well known for his hardline stance against the dilution of ‘core values’. Still western corridors of power were ever grateful to him for his positive approach to the solidarity movement in Poland. He was seen off with much fanfare. Sadly Pope Benedict had to take the reins when the church was hitting the bottom with so many allegations & abuse around the world. It wasn’t the medieval period & brushing it under the carpet only helped the issues stink more.

From the way I see it, the success of a pope depends on how well you are sellable to the media. Simplicity is a good USP. You will have to have a few photos & stories to make the point’ Slow movements , gentle voice, portly figure are added flavours. It’s better if you make the right sounds & stay out of politics & economics of the globe.

The church of today is so different from the one long ago. The election of the popes were itself mired with controversy and rumors of huge money going to & fro before the white smoke piped out. The popes themselves were ruthless, had army of their own & waged wars against the landlords/kings who defied them. The popes lived in luxury & begat illegitimate children too. There was also an infamous period of papal schism, when two popes ruled the church simultaneously. But today the flock prefer their priests to stay in church, do social services & conduct masses. Running the country is best left to professionals.

One convenient truth everyone tends to forget is- no religion was created for the sake of creating a religion. The prime objective- be it Hinduism, Islam or Judaism- was running & managing the well being of a society. The argument that religion should stay away from politics is lame & is of crooked interests. The church should pro actively involve with matters of the world even if it has to shed the meekness factor.

The common man cannot align his minds with the modern intricacies of democracy , socialism or communism. But he would be comfortable to understand the scriptures he have been hearing from his childhood.  He would have set his living standards from the scriptures.

Is it the right thing to keep him out of decision making process that pertains to his life? On the pretext of him being too illiterate is it fair to allow the businessmen, aristocrats & oligarchs to make his decision. All the so called ‘phobias’ & animosities is a part of a bigger game to keep the common man from governance.

I call for our churches & mosques to be power centers!!