Have a break

Guys I realize I am full of crap these days with lots negative stuff.  So I am pulling the plugs briefly

Regards

The Adibas

One day my PT teacher announces: Tomorrow everyone must come in canvas shoes. The ‘canvas’ shoes had been made a compulsory wear. We were a lot of boys who found joy in coming to school only for kicking a ball around, throwing it in a basket or hitting it over. We didn’t bother about the shoes we wore for that. It didn’t really bother us that the school uniform would be soiled.

But now the canvas shoes have been made compulsory.  The real trouble would be to convince my dad to buy for me one.  It’s not that we were poor. But he always needed an extra dose of cajoling to convince him. I being very self conscious wouldn’t want to be picked out and made to miss the once in a week PT class. It’s not that I were a good sportsperson. It’s just that I loved athleticism and still do.

So I would have to start the usual round of tantrums, sulking, hunger strikes unti he takes me out to buy the shoes. And yes he did take me one day to the local market. Mind you, it didn’t even closely remember the air conditioned fancy stuffs you see today.  It’s just small dingy shops with a noisy salesboy and innumerable shoes arranged amazingly like the compartments bee hive.

The boy fetches out a white shoes with blue stripes. The name is “Adibas”. I was confused. Is it the world famous Adidas which makes the sportspeople run fast? “It’s orginal’ the boy exclaims. I fall for it.

I run faster, jump higher and it takes me months to realize that Adidas is not Adibas.

The scene has changed. Today everything comes in extra- Bikes, Cars, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Boobs, Butts, Houses. There is a surplus of everything everywhere.

The projects have also increased their volumes.  The government  departments have funds in the tune of hundreds of crores.  Then there are vultures who are ready to make their cut. I get so reminded of my manager’ There are so much money out there. Go get it’

The old bad thing ‘commission money’ has been rechristened to fees, gifts, sweat money etc. There is a lot of money waiting to be earned and even there is even more eager people ready to spot a chance and sell off anything

Today we no longer have the old playgrounds. The empty plot is worth crores.

Well the scam volume hasn’t come down too. But there is perfect legal setup to resolve if caught. You will get a clean chit, enough publicity and happily live ever after.  And there is this mediasyndicate which  erases the public memory with a magic wand.

Last day I was reading an article on democracy movements in Vietnam. Why the hell? Here we fight corruption by legalizing it

The reality show of life

February 2013- It’s been six years since I started earning a livelihood. I wear smart clothes, go to office on time , try to get connected to the right people, speaks the right thing- more or less this has been the exercise to earn a living. Over these 6 years I have become all I never wanted to be. I am thankful that I have learnt some invaluable lessons too. Call it the evolution of life.

By the time I was in college all I wanted to do was to earn a huge packet, wear a tie, flirt with the cutest chic and party at the night. That was the time of economic boom. There was a lot of IT companies hunting for talent. There was lot of attractive package. Smart guys went around the campus showing power point slides on why you ought to choose their company. There was one guy who evevn showed us a video of some pub and said ‘We work hard, party harder’. 

After 3 years I decide to move out of the shit hole where people supposedly party harder.  The decision came in when I learnt the guy sitting next to me was offered double my hike. Reason- he was ‘critical’ to the company. I was like- Give me a chance to be ‘critical’. ‘No you must earn it’. ‘What!!’

So I quit the place and joined even more worse one. But I guess this is what life is all about. Once upon a time I looked down on salesmen with a certain pity. But today I go from shop to shop trying to sell obsolete stuff. I hear the shit from uneducated snobs and lovingly call them ‘Dear Sir’. I open facebook and look upon with envy on my classmates posing with white snowball, happiness oozing from their reddish face.  Then there are guys who mercilessly update their location from whichever part of world they are in.

May be in coming months I am getting married. But I just don’t want to spend major part of a day doing things I don’t like. Life looks miserable

Meaningless degrees

So I am back guys, may be no one really missed me. If anyone ever did, it would be the guys who put fake ads in my space. So I sit here in the morning, thinking of a better way to utilize time. I did miss my gym, thanks to laziness.

The last time I had gone to see off my friend. It seems like yesterday that he had got admission for medicine. How cruel time is. It shows no mercy to the one who wants it to stay on. The years of youth just rolled by, we both graduated and understood the realities of life is so very bad.

For me it was the fight to come into terms with the fact that world is nothing but a huge market where straight men have no place. I got sick of full sleeves and ties, then I got sick of selling obsolete machines. Falsehood given an icing of ethics is the right dose for organizational success.

Forhim it might be the realization that medicine is meant for reaping money and reaping money is no longer a matter of choice. So he had to hunt for college to make his masters. With a lots of uncertainity in front of him, he decides to fly away to USA to get his masters.

The world has no place for the talented as long as you’re not good enough to market it. Tharun was an amazingly talented doctor. He was made to be a good doctor from day 1. I have noticed people opening up to him so easily about their pains, shame etc. I guess he exuded a feeling that he would solve out their problems.  I thought he would go off to community service. Sadly that didn’t happen.

In between that so many ‘brilliant’ guys who got admission to government colleges for medicine simply threw off their degrees and went into the glorious world of beauracracy. I guess they might have been seduced by the tiny tri colour flag, red beacons and men in uniform saluting them. Sad is the plight of the common man who burnt up his savings for the studies of these blue eyed doctors. Now they move into a place where more of tax payer’s money is burnt. Now what’s the criteria of these intelligentsia choosing civil servants ??

The Big Game

I have this fat crazy friend who is always into making some quick easy money. One day he comes to me running.

“Dude, you want to make a bet’

‘?!!!’

‘I am into online betting group. You can easily make a cool thousand bucks every day.’

‘ Yaar I don’t watch cricket much. Leave me out’

‘Come on.... If we bring in more people the stakes increase’

‘Namasthey’

Another day I hit the local swanky coffee shop with the sole mal intention of staring out at cute chics. That day I’m surprised to see a few middle aged men sitting alone staring at the large screen playing IPL. Why sudden interest in cricket and that too in a coffee shop? Soon they were fishing out their mobiles and making some frantic calls. And you can guess why!

Here’s a large chunk of population indulging in technically illegal exercise- betting. Then feigning surprise and indignation when the huge machinery unintentionally spew a little dirt. Every season you have stories , arrests and expulsions based on fixing, money laundering and even sexual adventures. But the evil folklore has only added strength to the game. No doubt, the grey shades will only furthermore add glamour and glitz to the huge machinery in the coming days. The reason is not too hard to discover.  IPL caters to the basic human fetish of greed, lust and power. Even when we know it isn’t right, given a choice we would rather sip on vodka and munch on the cigar with hot women around. The cash rich urban India wouldn’t mind spending a 6 digit figure a night for a chance to chase a leg with favourite stars.

One night I find my female friend alive online. I ask her ‘why?’. ‘Watching IPL?’.

‘You watch cricket?’

‘Nah, just because I am a Gilly fan!’

Oh wow. The franchisees have su ecceeded in building a loyal fan base around a few stars. They couldn’t afford to do so with thnge tradition. So you have all the white men descending in herds unmindful of heat. The fancy English commentary, the Ramiz Raja , Siddhu and couple of guystrying to act funny, some guy reminding everyone he’s going for a party tonight, Sachin getting suddenly fit, Raina & Jadeja suddenly finding form of their lives, Gayle getting full tosses, misfields....all these unpredictable acts of destiny which adds to the beauty

 Meanwhile we put in some 'unquestionable' characters for #respect #Sachin #Dravid

Chotta Bheem eats out at McD

Chotta Bheem eating at Mc Donalds would be a very curious and interesting sight to behold. But that is due to happen soon. The Hindu puritans doesn’t appear to care much about this aberration. They normally don’t need a second invitation to clean the cultural mess of the country. The familiar scenes of burning paintings, books, beating the girls out of pubs ran through my mind. Why was Chotta Bheem spared?

 The beauty of Hinduism as a religion is there is a set of Gods who are vivid and multi dimensional. Caging these ‘Gods’ to an idiot box must have been very trying for its makers. Chotta Bheem is a curious case of convenient conformity to populist culture. It was the brain child of some innovative entertainer to bring in the super humans to animated form. They made sure that the whole theme suits the taste of middle class Indian. Hence the controversial items like roasting up the tribal woman and her five children were avoided. Soon the series caught the imagination of kids stunted in the tiny apartments.

The first people who realized benefits of Aryanization of Hinduism was GoI way back in times of Rajiv Gandhi. As a result white skinned beautiful Gods & Godesses visited the Indian households across the country. The villains were dark , ugly & noisy. Thus we have a homogenous & unipolar religion.

Meanwhile McD who were on the lookout to capture the huge Indian market by cheap junk foods found out a way. Why not let the Gods market. The children wont have much trouble in eating what their superheroes eat. Soon the parents & Grandparents have to hunt for a McD outlet to eat. Soon millions of slim, sad people would be happily grabbing & munching burgers

What I would look for in a woman

Very soon I will be approaching my 30s- the age of the famous mid-life crises. All my compatriots are busy getting married off, flying to exotic places, begetting babies & posting it all in facebook. It’s best to stay away from the temptation of browsing through FB. The timelines have been serving as a constant source of jealousy.

Ever since I completed quarter of a century on the face of the earth, my parents have been pushing me to get married off. Ever since my teens I have abhorred the institution & adamantly pledged to stay a heretic for the rest of my life. Once in my college fest, where I was pushed to stage to take part in some Personality Contest , I declared that marriage distracts you from the greater goal. I laid out the examples of APJ, Vivekananda. Those were heady days of dreams & ideologies.

Just 10 years later, I realize I have no goal and no concrete ideology. Hence there’s no point in staying unmarried. All my compatriots are getting married off too. I don’t know the inspiration behind it. May be it’s the fear of turning old alone. May be humans are born to mate & pro create.

I am on a dilemma, having to push myself to commit into an act I am not sure of. Having said that, I realize most of the life turning decision of a common man is taken by the people around him. Great men make their own decisions.

Amid all the noise, I approach a great friend & mentor. I asks him, ‘Dude I am looking to get married but I don’t know what to look for’. He says ‘ Write down what you really want in a woman’

So here I am writing down the list of ‘what I’m looking for in a woman’

BE WARNED: Girls, you will find it very tough to resist the temptation of falling in love with me 

1.       Beauty/ Lust factor: When I was high on teenage hormones, I dreamt of marrying those busty Tamil actors. Pretty naughty one, I know. Later on came the feel for cherubic beauty ( the cute kinds). By the time I was out of college & worldly wise, I realized busty babes wouldn’t be good enough when they are older. So I switched to slim ones.Years rolled by & I came to realize how unfairly biased is the ‘marriage market’ is for the girls with comparatively lesser beauty.  If you don’t have the money & land to offset the defect in your beauty (looks), you may end up putting up your profile for a long time in marriage matrimonial. I had a very ordinary looking friend who migrated to USA and took up nursing. Recently I found her married in FB to some hot guy. The guy was giving cool poses in some fancy cars.

That’s where looks end and money talks

2.       Profession & Intellect: I have always been turned by women with high intellectual capability. I wouldn’t take someone from my own profession, as I would like to leave the office at office. Economics, English have been huge turn on for me.

I abhor IT industry in equal measures. I am not at all bothered about the pay packet. Being the lazy guy I am, I would prefer her earn more and I would hand over the reins to her & be an obedient husband for the rest of my life.

I want her to be intelligent with pretty strong ideas. My mom was always on the opposite side. When the talk turned to worldly matters, she put up a poor picture of herself. Still she brought up the kids- not bad

3.       Religion, Ethics: This must be one crucial & confusing part for me. I have been a fairly good religious person and all of a sudden the vanity in the institution.  It would be tough if the girl takes a contrasting view. But it would be good to fake a religious fervor, atleast by the time kids are old. Even with all the rotten tomatoes religion imparts a sense of identity.

I had these fancy ideas on becoming a revolutionary. Even today I nurse the secret fantasies. I hope marriage doesn’t deter me if the call comes along. Or may be I would quit the job and join some college or turn a farmer. I simply don’t want to be a white collared son of a bitch.

Sadly it ends here. I am a boring guy after all