The shop next door

So government comes up with reforms atlast, which probably might be a face saver. The usually silent PM comes up with war cries like : ‘Strengthen my hands’, ’We will go down fighting’. Judging from the reaction, the ‘middle class’ is not much enthused this time.  At the end of the day, what good would the reforms do if it burns up your wallet. Anyway the Time magazine did a somersault and sang praises for our PM in the last edition. India Inc has also expressed their gratitude and may tip MMS as ideal Indian premier ahead of Modi.

The category called people were once upon a  time had the opinions shaped by India Inc, money market, GDP graphs and shit news from the media. But after many scams, allegations and movements like IAC,  people are not buying the growth story anymore. In the meantime PM has been playing bluff after bluff with his sage like silence, well timed emotional outbursts & scholarly use of language. 

When the reforms were announced, which rather wasn’t unexpected, the FB and Twitter crowds descended in hordes. The Voice of the Social Networks is another colossal change in Indian landscape. We have a wide and cheap means to exhibit our nonsense. The ‘revolution’ and ‘rebellion’ became a hip word. MMS and Sonia Gandhi became a darling for the sarcastic tweeples. And now the crowd started hunting for the poster boy for their movement. 

Years ago we had two kinds of villain typecasted for our TV sops and serials. One was the local money lender & other was the local shop owner. The shop owner wore a cap, glasses on the nose tip, had teeth sticking out of the mouth, he cheated with weights, cheated with the quality, he refused the widows credit and occasionally took advantage of the honour of poor village girls. 

One fine morning the huge, air conditioned and spacious shops come up with neatly dressed well mannered kids. The kinara shop owner runs out of business. Then as if from heaven above the Twitter activists find their martyr specimen in him.

We had a stationary shop in our street owned by one of our neighbours. The guy was rich, rode a sazzy bike and had a beautiful daughter. Although we smiled politely at him, we murmured about the insane profits he’s been making. The shop was run by a morose guy. Every evening office goers would pick up the day’s necessities. 

Then slowly he had to change. The shop was given a facelift, where people could actually walk in & pick goods. The morose boy had to laboriously paste a smile. Still he finds it tough to hold out, considering the discount the big players give.

In an age where the goods are measured based on the utility and services, is it worthwhile to wail about a system that has self extinguished itself. A few years ago, the vegetable vendor picked out the vegetables for us. He would try to slip in a few rotten ones. An argument would follow culminating in the mutually agreed at a price. 

Haven’t things changed? Why would people prefer to burn up money just for the sake of sentiments? What we need is a real set of thought process that goes before making a statement.

Aren't we all desperate?

So i met Sree through the Facebook. We had been blogger buddies for quite sometime. I searched for her name and found her online. I came across a few pictures of hers- happily doping with the friends. I asked her the usual idiotic question- don’t you guys get ‘indecent’ while doping. She replies ‘Yea only the Mallu men do’ Wow, ok this is a compliment for my clan. 

What makes the English men so prim and decent while on a high? Why do the Mallus can think only about getting indecent?

My friend Aliyah says the same too. She says the new age Mallu men pretends enjoying all the crude jokes and then goes arounf labelling you a slut.

Now why is it? A famed poet wrote a poem titles ‘ The purity of Indian women’. We had a tradition where the property was inherited by the elder sister’s son. The whole thought process behind it was that women carried purest blood of the family. 

May be we got a little so obsessed with preserving purity of the blood. The women were placed at highest pedestal of divinity and isolated from the world. The men were expected to find a living when the women were expected to breed pure blood. 

The times have changed and the women have started earning their dough too. But sadly they have refused themselves to be brought down the pedestal. As far as i see it, the real challenge is to see your friend, sister and wife as humans.

Its just ok if the fall for someone else, or if they play around a bit. For we are humans after all.

Are we so desperate?

 

I was born into a clan that is said to produce some of the most deprived, depraved and desperate men in the planet earth. We pose no threat to physical existence to our women. Infact our women are most well educated and well placed in all the earth. But we have these charactersitics which distinguish ourselves.

We produce the highest volume of sleaze magazines in the country. We have some of the most imaginative writers of soft porn. The backdropvaries from a sex starved wife of a NRI to army man to businessman. She sadly has to please herself until she finds the doors to freedom in the servant boy, nephew , cousin or the new tenant next door. Recently we moved onto hostel lesbianism. Our men has moved into a collaboration with Ekta Kapoor for the mother-in-law daughter-in-law sex escapades.

We produce most number of soft porn videos. The busty ladies are imported from outside. Their topless self writhe in orgasmic pleasure on the bed, while the hero sniffs from top to bottom and back to top. Thankfully male nudity doesn’t go beyond the bermudas.The dot com era fuelled in our imaginations and today ‘mallu masala’ is the most sought web search. Our technological advancement is showcased by the number of spycams we hide in ladies’ toilet, bathrooms and changing rooms.

We are also the first in the country when it comes to sexual morality. We pass lewd remarks and stare shamelessly at anything with round ass and tits. We defined a frame work for ‘decent’ clothing and anyone who dares to defy it has to live with the shame of countless gossips manufactured at her expense. In the bus and trains we crane our necks to get even the slightest peak into the valleys.

Despite all this we donot allow two people from opposite sex to roam around on beach, ice cream shops and restaurants unless they carry some ID proof.

Back in school, i had this tuition classes at an obscenely early hour. I used to wake up so early and cycle to the classes. One such fine morning, I was trying to wake myself up from sleep when a fat boy came and sat near me. We hadn’t talked to each other and he had this eternal smile plastered on his face. I wasabout to say hi when he opened the conversation:

‘ Do you masturbate?’

OMG !! is this guy a vibrator sales man

‘How do you masturbate?’

Ok he must have done a ourse in sex therapy. But we are only 14. Next came the million dollar question ‘ Who do you dream of when you do it’

There was this guy, Govind, in college who fell in love with our college beauty Sreeja. He went around writing on the blackboards ‘Sreeja loves Govind.’

 

Are we that desperate?