Opening Up

It was Arts fest in college. Guys were all ganged up and high on adrenaline. Their chief objective was to boo down anything and everything moving on the stage. Then the announcement came up for the Dance by Tony. We were surprised. We didn’t know the tall, shy Tony could dance. ‘Dance’ items were reserved for the exclusive gang and here comes Tony. The curtains opened to Tony in a shiny glittering outfit. He started swaying his body like a Snake and I was impressed. Sadly the silence turned to boos in a few minutes. In the next few days the discussion in the college was on how he managed to show the guts. I realized the Boos came not because the dance was bad, rather he had the guts to do a ‘feminine’ dance routine. Years later, I read in a news media that he became one of the Malayali IT professional to come out in the open and profess his homosexuality.

We, as Malayali breed, is a proud lot. We have to be cajoled to get in front of a mic or speak in a gathering or shake a leg. Still without much hesitation we would judge, find faults, get sarcastic and laugh at anyone in front of the mic. 

This ‘shyness’ reflects in every walk of life- social, political, economic,arts and even family. Rather than defining it as ‘shy’ I would rather say our society has set some rigid guidelines or framework on how people have to react and behave to various scenarios and platforms. Anything outside the guidelines are considered ‘different’, ‘rebel’, or even ‘abnormal’. The influence of patriarchy would have been a primary reason to ‘conform’ or to ‘protect’. Added to that there Kerala population was blessed with plenty of opportunities when the Gulf boom opened up. So if you simply stay put and ‘conformed’ to the standards your distant uncle would take you to the Arab lands. In other words you would be taken care of. 

This became all the more evident in our movie-land where movie after movie raised the feelings of deja-vu but were still welcomed. Heroes were meant to play their roles keeping in mind of their ‘image’. Cinema decayed itself to the point of promoting machoism and misogyny. Alarm bells went ringing when the likes of Shakeela started to be compete with the macho heroes. That turned out to be the curve for Malayalam Cinema.

It is not just in the acting department , which was dominated by monotony. My friend shared a few songs sung by someone and then I realized how our great singer, who is compared to Gandharva, is a boring singer sans any emotion. But he set a framework which countless others followed which derided us of any variation in the renditions. 

Moving over from Cinema, most of the Malayalis were reluctant to admit their wealth or to flaunt it. It was considered cheapness or arrogance. We preferred smaller homes, cars and average-guy outfits. We preferred it in Bank Deposits or in acres of Land.

Moving closer to home it was rare to see Husband and Wife getting cosy Or a Brother showing his love for his sister. I remember the Church ‘Youth’ camps where the older couples had to be persuaded and cajoled to dance.

Back in my school days a guy and girl had no reason to talk to each other, unless they were lovers. Nevertheless walking together or a simple date would have been equivalent to sex.

Walking back to final years in college, when the multi nationals made sure you don’t have to go job hunting after college, a friend of mine wasn’t lucky enough to get a job. He packed his bags to Bangalore where he found someone from North to marry. It was a rare feat back then and he religiously started posting poems along with recipe of Dal Curry he made for his wife. We the old guys’ gang ridiculed him only to get ‘blocked’. But when the chronic Bachelor of the gang got married recently and started posting recipes of fish fry, I realized we had missed the bus. 

What made us change? It is possibly the economic opportunity slowly drying up and we having to really cry out for the small blessings. Years ago we had this Manager in our organization who found particular enjoyment in making his friends email the Chairman of the organization about the ‘wonderful service’ he was rendering them. As per the protocol the Chairman’s office forwarded to the bosses commending the performance. The whole thing was a matter of joke back then. Today things have taken a U-turn with every other Branch Managers making a scripted video on how kind and loving they are. I even see people writing poems on each other as a part of well planned ‘I scratch your scrotum, you scratch my clitoris’

This change in economic reality reflected in our houses as well. We started having to tell our children and spouses how much we love them. I don’t remember a single birthday being celebrated in my childhood. Today forgetting a birthday is considered equivalent to unfaithfulness or lovelessness. I heard a lady worrying loudly on buying Gold jewellery for the birthday of the neighbour’s 3 year old daughter.

As we slowly climb down from the high branches, it is time we realize that people turning overnight stars in Youtube and Tik Tok isn’t the end of ages. It is just that the space have opened up for more people. We need to get out of the cages of insecurity and open ourselves to appreciate the variety around us.